


Baisers Sous la Pluie

by Soobiebear



Category: Rush (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-12
Updated: 2015-01-12
Packaged: 2018-03-07 06:37:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3164984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soobiebear/pseuds/Soobiebear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written as a gift for coldlikedeath in 2012. The prompt was 'Geddy Lee,Neil Peart (Rush): Neil is really not as straight as he would lead you to believe, and the only person he will trust with this secret is Geddy; he lets the singer make love to him one night as they watch a rainstorm at Neil's place..'</p>
<p>Written while listening to John Pizzarelli's 'Kissing in the Rain'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baisers Sous la Pluie

It was beautiful out here in the deep Quebecois winter, the air was clean and crisp, civilization seemed miles away and it was a good place to hide away from things. Great for skiing, cooking, and writing. Not so good for cycling or healthy healing, but all things come in due time. I do prefer the large wooded expanse of back yard here over the tiny, highly manicured yard of Santa Monica. Polar opposite forms of zen, but at least the Quebec zen has some wildlife other than boozed up stalker types.

It was also different from the temperate malaise of Southern California. Not so much different from our childhood homes, but there were few plows this far out and everything had to be planned. There were no indoor tennis courts or batting cages but lots of trails and places to think and rest. The steady supply of pies I was trying out was as good for the soul as it wasn't for the fasting glucose levels.

Since my first family had passed, the house became a catch all for things. Cases of wines, books I'd read (or planned on reading). Souvenirs from travels. All piled up. With no one to sort through them and my life tied up with Carrie in California things got a bit out of control. Until she decided it wasn't working for her. Much like I did when Jackie passed, I retreated and hid away. I was pretty miserable to be around but unlike last time, still wanted to be reachable in case anything happened with Olivia. 

Brutus visited, watching as I gorged myself and then worked it all off skiing and freezing out around the lake. The pain in my arm was back from all the work I was doing with the ski poles and shovels. This time it wasn't affecting work and I didn't need to call the doctor again on what was becoming a regular feature of old age. Brutus kept suggesting adventures, all sounding like dangerous and dreadful ideas. He was the one suggesting a winter ride through Newfoundland and PEI, and I was the one to have to talk him out of it.

I think I might have phrased things badly as he left the next day although his emails didn't stop arriving and were as joke filled as ever. Geddy showed up three days after Brutus left, bundled like he was moving to the North Pole with a small wheeled luggage that had gotten stuck in the show drift between the driveway and the front door. I remember the door bell ringing - no one rang in such a remote location. Upon opening the door was this big puffy anorak covered in a thin layer of snow, standing at my door with fogged up glasses and a green scarf that covered the rest of his face, with these thin little chicken legs sticking out from the puffy coat and into a well worn pair of ankle high snowboots.

"Hi Ellwood," he said around the muting layers of yarn, raising his free hand in a wave.

Knowing it was Geddy plus five layers of 100% Canadian warmth I welcomed him in, not feeling up to entertaining another friend during my funk, no matter how near and dear. He dumped his duffel by the door and started shedding layers, the coats, jackets, windbreakers, waterproofing, and insulating layers piled higher and higher over my arms.

It was nice to see Geddy, just as it had been nice to see Brutus. At first. He looked around at the strewn accumulation that was my current housing and shook his head. It wasn't like me to be untidy, even as I stood there unshaven in my best grey sweatpants and twenty year old tshirt.

"If you've come to cheer me up I can tell you to turn around right now."

"Jeez, thanks for the warm welcome." Geddy took back his outerwear, laying it out over the parson's bench to dry. "Now I know why I can't get away from the feeling of home."

I did my best teenage pout, trying to scare him off. Sadly he wasn't bluffed by it and walked past me into the kitchen, his luggage towed behind him and dripping water all the way. "I stopped on the way here, got something for ya."

"Please tell me you didn't drive 650 kilometers just to bring me... " Geddy pulled out a brown paper bag with a familiar looking shape. Sliding down the paper was indeed the broad shouldered shape of the MacAllan, but with a burgundy label instead of the typical white or shades of slate.

Pulling the prized bottle closer, I squinted and then pushed the bottle further away. Damn eyesight, the label was all fuzzy. 

"MacAllan Whisky Makers Edition, Highland single malt scotch whisky, blah blah. It said 1824 on the box and was the best I could find, unless you wanted some Canadian Mist."

Once the shivers subsided I went back to admiring the bottle. It was a beautiful amber color and I couldn't wait to get into it. "Aaah, plying me with alcohol then, think I'm that easy?" I lisped the last bit and put my hand on my hip like I would have done to Michael. 

Geddy blinked a bit behind his glasses. "No," he said slowly as I snatched the bottle from him and carried it across the kitchen to the bar area. Again, it wasn't as nice as the bar area in my California home, but it worked for wine and simple spirits.

"Aw, c'mon, I was just joking." It was no secret really. Geddy had 'experimented' back in the 70's, I think a lot of people did, it was just the nature of youth that era when things were opening up a little. 

Without much ado I grabbed two tumblers and some ice from the fridge, pouring us some of the whisky. We sipped, Geddy making a face at the strong alcohol. I was in heaven, the warm tendrils curling around my nose and dancing in my sinuses. The fruit and toffee lead into some spice the more I tasted it, a nice smoke and burn clearing my palate after swallowing the sweet liquid.

"Thank you, by the way." Geddy was leaning into the island, his hands on the edge of the granite. "This is a very good bottle."

"You could have been more specific when you said MacAllan, you know." I got the patented Geddy eyebrow for my in-specificy. "Lo and behold there was more than one type."

"I thought you'd know that, Mr. Yellow Tail." I sipped again as Geddy gagged. "Besides, I like them all and it's the thought that counts."

Geddy swirled his tumbler on the counter like it was a glass of wine. He'd done this multiple times before, sometimes on purpose, sometimes without thinking. There were many times I caught him swirling his bottled water, mind occupied with something else. Apparently the wine soaks deep into one's psyche, making some motions automatic and, and times, messy.

"So, are you going to tell my why you're here?" 

I looked around. Trust Geddy to get straight to business. At least Alex would have tried to make me laugh first. "Oh dammit, I thought this was my house." Again I got the patented Geddy eyebrow. I explained to him, like one explains to a toddler. "When you are asked to leave one of your houses, you typically go to the other one instead of setting up in a cardboard box, although I'm sure that would have provided some beneficial material for the next album."

He pushed his empty tumbler forward and I doled him out some more of the prized MacAllan. "You know what I mean."

I grunted, unable to really lie to him, but unwilling to part with the truth. "I know what you mean."

"Are you ready to talk about it?"

I leveled my glare and tried to give him back an eyebrow. "Does it sound like it?" Knowing it was on the other side of rude, I apologized. "Look, thank you for coming, but I'm fine. Really." Geddy wasn't buying it and looked like he was starting to dig in. "Do you want to put your bag in the guest house?" 

"Yeah, guess I should."

"Did you eat supper?"

"Do TimBits count?" Geddy had his case in hand, ready to wheel out to the guesthouse. "I'm not starved." He started towards the back door and the little path that led back through the small clearing. "Looks like the snow stopped." He opened the door and a cold blast filled the kitchen. "Be right back."

I filled my glass again, not bothering to savour the flavor and choosing to down a few shots in an attempt to mellow me out a bit and ease off the sarcastic edge. I wandered back into the living room in my leather chair, using the remote to start the gas fireplace. Settling in, I picked my copy of Matthew Harris' book on Zebulon Pike and thumbed through to where I left off last night. 

Geddy returned, looking damp, and he dropped himself on the sofa. "Wanna watch a game?" Geddy waived a remote control over his head. I stuck a finger in my book and waived it back at him. Pike had just started his expedition in search of the Mississippi River source and I didn't want to put it down. Geddy frowned and put the remote back on the coffee table.

He fidgeted, bored without his SportsCenter and ESPN. "Why don't you go find a book?"

Geddy looked over his shoulder to the bookshelves filled with Carrie's nicknacks. "Where are they these days?"

I was already back into reading about [i]Scribner's Magazine[/i]'s article from 1927 and waived Geddy back into the workroom. "In the study with the model cars. Turn right." Geddy wandered off to find himself a book. He had been gone a few minutes too long, so I marked my page again and set it down, making my way to the workroom where my book collection had migrated. I had intentions of pulling him down a John Steinbeck or Ernest Hemingway, something approachable.

Geddy was frozen, staring at the stacks of books. I figured he was just befuddled - not knowing which of the milieau to start on. A large feeling of dread started in my stomach before I even noticed. He wasn't staring at the bookcase as a unit, but on a small section on the left hand side. 

"Oh, hi Neil," he said nervously. "I'll just take this one." He quickly grabbed a book without looking and bolted.

Carrie had 'organized' all my adult books into one section high on a shelf, out of Olivia's line of sight. "Shit," I cursed to myself and followed Geddy out. He had made it to the back door, hand on the brass handle, staring out at the cold rain.

For once I didn't know what to say. I stood there, watching his shoulders move as he breathed, not opening the door, but yet not accepting what he had seen.

This was going to be a night for the MacAllan.

"Brorotica? Brief Encounters? Really?" Geddy thumped his head against the glass. "I pegged you for something better than that trash."

I managed to push the indignation from insulting my reading choices aside, but I still didn't know what to say and was half hoping Geddy would just forget about it and pretend nothing had happened. You don't get that in reality though. I should call Brutus, because like all of our other 'adventures' this one sucks when you're having it. Perhaps that only applied to our traveling adventures.

"Are you gay?" Geddy asked, half hiding behind his mop of hair.

[i]'Yep, this certainly sucks[/i],' I thought. It was the same line Carrie had started with. "...I don't know?"

Geddy stared out at the pine trees. "Great," he muttered to himself.

"Does it matter?" Geddy had always been fine around Andrew who couldn't have been more flamboyant if he was a flamingo. He turned to look at me again, looking me up and down in my sweatpants and tshirt, searching for something. "I'm still me."

"I know, but..." He shifted, taking his hand from the door but not yet moving away. "I've known you forty years now. It's a bit of a shock."

"I haven't told anyone, but Carrie," My voice broke as the same mixture of guilt, anger, and sorrow bubbled up again. It sat like a lump in my throat and kept me from speaking.

Geddy only nodded. "I see."

"I'm sorry." I had already apologized so much before leaving California that it felt hollow. I wasn't even exactly sure what I was apologizing for, but it felt like the right thing to say.

The corners of Geddy's mouth lifted up in a smile. "S'okay, man, you just surprised me I guess."

I was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for him to scream and curse like Carrie had, calling me all sorts of horrible names like it was something I'd chosen. "You sure?" If he was going to freak out, I wanted it to be now so he could just grab his bag and leave instead of staying in bad company and trying to 'fix' me.

"Yeah." He punched me in the arm, his way of communicating. "It wasn't easy to figure out at twenty, I can't imagine what it's like now."

I scoffed. "It's horrible."

"Still, no reason to run away and hide. Alex might try to kiss you, but you need to open up sometimes. You about scared Brutus half to death."

"I know," and for that I will be eternally pained. "But I just can't... Not after how Carrie reacted."

Geddy put his hand on my shoulder. "I know you love her, but she has to love the whole you, not just parts." I tried to speak again, finally getting some of the last month's stress off my chest but Geddy cut me off. "Later, ok? Let's just watch some TV or something. Just think before we get into it all."

I wished he wanted me to think before I spoke, but figured out he needed more time to come to terms with this latest discovery before he was ready to hear more. That was fine with me. A few more hours wouldn't change anything and it would permit me to obtain some additional Dutch Courage and fortify myself for the battle ahead, even if the battle was to be me against myself.

"C'mon, I'll even let you watch the History Channel." His hand slipped from my shoulder down my arm, giving my bicep a squeeze before he let go and trailed off into the sitting room. I stood there, confused over what just happened. Geddy knew, and he was ok with it. Things like that didn't happen, so I was probably dreaming. Or already dead, but I didn't want to think of that possibility. Hopefully the afterlife afforded me some sort of warm tropical beach and a palm tree or two. Not the howling winds and driving rain hitting the back deck in the dark, melting the snow that had been falling for the last week. It was all going to be a muddy mess come morning.

Had Geddy really said he was ok with my situation? I grabbed the bottle he's brought, my left hand wrapping around the neck - when did everything suddenly turn pornographic? I swiped my thumb over the red cap, knowing I liked that but uncertain if anyone else did. How could I know if I was actually homosexual? I still loved women, I don't think that will ever go away, at least I hope not. I'd seen... things over the years and had chances but never went as far as others had. Would it feel different to have a guy's naked butt in my hand instead of a nice round women's ass? 

"Ancient Aliens Marathon is on!"

Geddy's call brought me back to the present, standing in my kitchen holding a bottle of whisky and having an existential crisis. I filled Geddy's tumbler again and brought it out with me and the bottle. If he was drunk, maybe he'd forget to ask. Or at least not remember the answers in the morning, either would be acceptable but the former would be preferred. I handed Geddy his glass, gathering mine from my reading chair and turning off the reading lamp. He had chosen one side of the sofa, clearly inviting me to sit on the other side. I sat a little closer to the arm than warranted, not wanting to sit too near Geddy but still thankful for the gesture.

TV shows with no actual historical content passed as the MacAllan slowly slipped away. Another viewing of Giorgio Tsoukalos prooved to be too much and I begged Geddy to turn it off. At the push of a button the house fell into silence.

"Are you ready?" He asked.

"No." I slammed back what was in my glass and stared at my slippered feet. What a waste of good drink this was.

"Good." Good old Geddy, determined to get his way come hell or high water. I doubted he would tie me to the sofa and make me talk,but he had his ways all the same. "Tucking tail and running won't help you this time, at least not in any safe way."

He let me stare at my feet a bit longer, just enough so I felt self-conscious. "I am not even close enough to drunk for this," I sighed and leaned back into the couch. Geddy had curled up sideways, sitting on one leg with his elbow on the back of the sofa. "Where do you want to start?"

He shrugged. " I dunno. When did you first notice?"

Now it was my turn to shrug. "I guess I always have. Someone's eyes or the way they walked, then later when you two were doing your thing." I paused; I was going to try and keep any references to Geddy's past out of this. "Didn't know at the time, but then I just started seeing arms and chests everywhere. I went to this smaller bookshop in a small place outside Asheville, and they had some books that looked interesting. It just kind of went from there, but it had been stewing before I found those books."

"How long ago was your book purchase?"

"Two years." I had been carrying all this weight around for two years. My stomach was starting to not feel well, and I almost wanted to get up and run away from it but I knew Geddy would just chase me down and it wasn't safe to ride in this kind of snow/rain/ice mix at night.

"So you've been working on this at peak for two years but it's been a long time." He nodded and let that sink in. "Have you... Have you done anything about it?"

My head snapped around. "No!" How could he even think that? "No, I love Carrie."

He only grunted, and scratched at his chin. "So with no first hand knowledge, your wife has kicked you out over something you've been reading in a book?"

"No, but... It sounds really bad when you put it that way."

"I hate to be the one to break it to you, but without even reading them I know those books have romanticized and cleaned things up. Reality won't be anything close. Even just on the biological level, to say nothing about relationships or emotions. It's not easy, and it's not pretty."

"What's not easy?"

"Everything. Maybe it's eased up a bit and is more accepted now, but back in..." he thought for a moment, "The late '60's it wasn't at all accepted. Bad enough that we had long hair in some states, if I put my hands anywhere near Alex back then there could have been a huge backlash. Especially down south. It's more open these days, but it's still not easy." 

There was another pause while we both thought. "And then there's the chance that someone will find out. What if your parents knew? What would your friends say? How many of them would still be your friend if they thought you were looking at them? "

"You're still my friend, right?" For some reason, I needed to hear him say it.

"Yeah, I just am tired of you running away. It just delays the inevitable and leaves you lonely and us worried in the meantime." Geddy finally sipped at his drink. I think I was drinking more than he was but I felt comfortable in my own home with one of my best friends. I don't think I could have had this conversation with Andrew (rest his soul) or any of my cycling friends. This was almost verging on the need for clergy or licensed professional.

I needed a sticker for my BMW. _Asphalt is my therapist_.

"So what do I do? You've been in my position before."

"I don't know. I know my path, the things I did, the things I regret and the things I don't regret. I don't know your path."

It struck me as funny. "Wonderful time for you to be wise and mysterious, oh enlightened one." 

He gave me a small shove, both of us laughing despite the tension and serious air. If Alex was here he would have us all laughing. Would have been good for a break, but Geddy was too serious and driven to let the conversation drop without some sort of plan.

More whisky sipped away as the giggles calmed, both of us not wanting to proceed but knowing it had to happen. "So, honestly, what do I do?"

Geddy was drinking faster now as well. "Same thing that kids do. Take care of yourself for a bit and then find a willing partner and go from there."

I frowned. Despite being sixty, or maybe because of it, I had a hard time imagining myself hitting up another man for a romp in the sheets. Sounded sexy in my dreams, it scared the shit out of me in reality. "What if I get there and decide I don't like it? I've never..." Fearing I might have said too much, I swirled my drink and stared at it. This was really getting awkward.

"Well..." Geddy started. "Everyone likes handjobs and blowjobs, that's not much different." I noticed he wasn't looking in my direction and instead was looking at his own knee. "But the other..." he lifted and moved his glass through the air slightly. "If you're honest with your partner he should respect you enough that you can say no to anything you're uncomfortable with. Just like with a woman."

The more skittish Geddy became, the more I started getting a crazy idea in my head that wouldn't go away. "But what's it like? I'm sure the books aren't anywhere near reality."

"No, they're probably not. It's..." He stared at something far away and long ago and smiled. "It's fucking incredible, but it can hurt. You feel full to the point where you'll rip open but it fills something you didn't know you were missing. It's a lot more than just having sex with someone." He had this strange smile on his face the whole time and some of the slight wrinkles he carried fell away with whatever he was remembering. 

"Would you..." More alcohol needed. I couldn't finish the question. Elegant, Neil. Good job.

Geddy finally looked at me and raised an eyebrow. "That's not a good idea. I learned years ago the hard way that you can't fool around with your bandmates."

I turned slowly, mirroring his position on the sofa. "I just don't want it to be some random..." 

Geddy turned the TV off, the light sound of falling rain on the roof leaving a void filling pink noise. "Hey." He put a hand on my thigh and I felt his warmth even through the sweatpants. "I never said no, did I?" I stared at him as he contradicted himself. "I just said it was a bad idea s'all." I still stared at him like he had something growing out of his forehead.

"You?" I was still processing things. I wasn't the least bit interested in Geddy, but at least I was comfortable enough with him and knew he would understand if I called it quits. He was about as trusted a friend as one could get.

"Take half an hour and get a shower. I'll see you in a little bit." He leaned forward and kissed me, just a little peck on my cheek. I watched him walk back out into the kitchen and heard the door click as he left for the guest house. What frigging planet had I landed on, and what had they done with the Geddy I'd known?

I looked around at the quiet, empty house again and gathered my tumbler. I spent way too long in the hot shower thinking. As much as I was flattered and surprised by Geddy's offer, I didn't think I could take him up on it after all.

Dressed in fresh unflattering pajama pants and another tshirt I finally wandered downstairs to find Geddy sitting by the window and watching the rain. He must have just gotten back in because his hair was still wet and he looked chilled. "Oh, hi Neil."

"Hi," I said absently. "Umm, look..."

Geddy shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Just sit over here. Bring the bottle."

"I don't think I can do this." Geddy patted the seat next to him on the sofa and waited for me to sit with his sometimes infinite patience. 

"You should see the rain from here. It's melted a lot of the snow already." He held up his empty glass. "And I need a refill." I pursed my lips and poured him, setting the bottle on the floor and sitting beside him. "Turn around a bit. Watch the rain."

I shuffled and turned, setting my arm on the back of the couch again. It was coming down pretty steadily. If it was five degrees colder we'd be having a hell of a snowstorm. Geddy nestled up behind me - I could feel his breath on my neck. "So what's bothering you?"

I was already uncomfortable with Geddy's clean smell just over my shoulder. "This is wrong. I'm not even attracted to you."

"Watch the rain then." Geddy put his hand on my upper arm and started slow circular rubs, just barely brushing his hand over my tshirt. "What kind of guy do you like?"

"I don't know. Someone I could talk to. Someone funny. Someone who cooks well, who is well read. Someone who loves traveling."

"Sounds like you're craving companionship."

"Yeah, but they'd have to be ok while I'm touring too."

"You know you can't get all those things in one person." Geddy laid his head against the nape of my neck. "No one's perfect." His facial hair scraped and tickled.

His wet hair chilled me, but his skin was so warm underneath. "Failing that, Michael Fassbender would be alright."

Geddy hummed in acknowledgment. "I can get that. Tall, chiseled, powerful."

"There's a lot of people, you know. But it's just looks." Geddy's hand had slipped down my arm and was partially around my chest, his fretting hand always rubbing.

"Who says it has to be serious? Nothing wrong with sport fucking." He bit at my neck, sending a tingle down to places that hadn't been very active in a while.

"Geddy!" I yelped as he hit and chuckled. He had managed to find a nipple and pinched, rolling it between his strong fingers. "Geddy, stop." I pushed at his arm, still unwilling to put my drink down. "This is too weird."

"But does it feel good?"

I felt like he knew something I didn't. He went back to groping my chest. "Of course it does."

Again with the snickering. "Looks like it feels good."

"Dammit." Geddy ran his hand from my chest, down my stomach to my thigh. It kneaded up and down the length. "Dammit, Ged."

"You gonna ask me to stop?" His nose bumped against my ear, his small soul patch still scratching every place it touched.

"I was going to say I wasn't drunk enough."

I could feel him frown. "Do you need to be drunk?" His hand had stilled on my leg and he was close enough I could feel him hold his breath.

"No, just... really nervous." I really wanted to run and lock myself in my bedroom until Geddy went away or the weather got better for riding. My stomach was already in the garage trying to climb on the bike.

Geddy wrapped his arms around me, laying his head on my shoulder. "Just relax. Watch the rain. Have a drink." He reached for my glass, taking a sip before handing it back. "We have as long as you need."

I leaned back into him, just enjoying the closeness and happy that he wasn't going to push me. He kept doing little things, carding his fingers through my hair, rubbing at my shoulders, little kisses whenever he felt like it. The last of the winter sun had long faded from behind the storm clouds and not even the moon was out. Couldn't see more than a few inches out the window but I could see how much water was hitting the glass panes. A few of the drops held my attention as they were dragged down to the sill. 

"Do you think it will be weird?"

"How so?" I could feel him talk as much as hear him. 

"I don't want this to mess up our friendship."

He threaded his arm underneath mine and wrapped his arm around my chest, giving me a squeeze. "I think we're old enough not to be petty. And smart enough to have it not be an issue." He had another sip from my glass, handing it back when it was empty. "Think of it as safe exploring. If you like it, then you know you're on the right track. If not, then there's no hassles or problems."

A thought suddenly crossed my mind. "Have you been checking me out?"

It was enough to make Geddy laugh, a deep joyful belly laugh that he rarely gave when anyone else but Alex was around. "Good God. No, actually. I'm sorry if that's not the answer you wanted, but I've only ever been interested in one man. Unless you count that blow job from the tennis pro in Majorca, but I don't count that."

"Alex?"

"Ray," he answered breathlessly. My head damn near about broke off with how fast it turned. He didn't even try to suppress the smile. "Of course Alex. I thought you were the smart one."

"Fine then." I did my grumpy pout and relaxed back into Geddy's embrace. He kissed the back of my head again and leaned over the side of the couch, grabbing the MacAllan and refilling our glass. 

"I bought this thinking you'd savour it, not use it as an anesthetic."

"Who says I'm not?" At his silence, I set the tumbler on the floor by the bottle and twisted the best I could with my bad elbows and knobbly knees. I don't think old geezers like us were built for this sort of thing. I ended up with my back stretched out strangely like one of those Disney Princess movies Selena used to like. I was nose to nose with a rather squashed looking Geddy. "This doesn't feel sexy."

"You're gonna hurt your back like that." He was already pushing at my shoulders. "Sit up." 

I sat normally on the couch after contorting myself in ways I wasn't supposed to bend. Geddy clambered onto my lap, his knees on either side of my hips. "This better?"

Geddy was taller than me, first time that had happened since he gave up those heeled boots. "I could get used to it."

I set my hands on his hips, unusually straight and missing the swell that all my other partners had. Geddy leaned forward and pressed our lips together again. Not very adventurously, I let Geddy set the pace and push things forward. He worked his way down my chest; leaving my shirt on the entire time. I was glad for the small modesty even when things became rather immodest. "Doing alright?" Without my glasses on his face was smudgy, like a Monet painting gone awry. I nodded and held my breath, looking through his glasses and into his eyes.

He sent his hands diving between the two of us, rubbing at my cock. I tipped my head back and moaned, it had been so long since someone had touched me and Geddy's hands felt good. Even through the layers of clothing he found the right spots and knew just how much pressure to use. I shifted underneath him, trying to get more sensation and more of his hand on me. He held on firmly, probably expecting me to buck like I was. 

"Still ok?" He sounded kind of breathless himself. I liked it.

I had to open my eyes and look at him. "Yes," I hissed. "Fuck yes."

"Ok with having a guy's hand on your dick?" Geddy curled his fingers around my length the best he could. Damn, it felt wonderful. I couldn't wait to get my pants off.

"Yes. Good." Somewhere in my brain I realized I wasn't being very articulate. "Feels good." Geddy looked into my eyes again, searching for something. He leaned in and kissed me, a long lingering kiss while his hand left my cock. My hand was dragged from his hip down to his cock and I froze.

Penis.

Hard penis.

Not mine. 

Geddy stopped moving, still looking into my eyes. "Too much?"

I had to blink a few times. It was not like I had expected in my mind. There were no choirs singing, no applause, just Geddy straddling my lap looking concerned. I wrapped my palm around the bulge in his pants. "I think you have too many clothes on."

The change from concerned to fire was almost instant and it was the last thing I saw before he crushed us together, his nose bumping mine and teeth biting at my lower lip.

"Want to do this here?" he said between kisses. 

"Yeah," I managed to get out. I don't think I could have walked to the bedroom.

The kisses tapered off and he pulled away, leaning back and climbing off me before sinking to his knees on the floor. His hands found the waistband of my sweats and he hooked his fingers inside, rubbing at the skin with his knuckles. 

"Alright if I take your pants off?"

Knowing this is what Alex saw back when you couldn't get me away from a book made me think twice about my goals as a younger man. Geddy was so focused on what he was doing. I'd never seen a girl have the same look on her face, no matter how much she wanted sex.

Lifting my hips, I shoved the sweatpants down and let Geddy push them further down my thighs to bunch up around my knees. Geddy ran his hands up my inner thighs, smiling at the now obvious erection under the thin boxers. His hands were all over, just touching skin and cementing me to reality, stirring up my desire.

"These, now?" His fingers were again in the waistband, toying with the elastic. The shifting fabric over the head of my cock felt nice, but I knew better things lie ahead.

"Fuck yes," I said. Geddy stretched the elastic and pulled it over my cock, tugging at the boxers to get them out from under my butt.

His hands were still petting, touching me everywhere but my needy cock. "Will you touch yourself?"

Without my thinking my hand was on my erection, stroking up the shaft and back down. Geddy left one hand on my knee for balance, the other hand disappearing below his own waist. He watched for a minute that felt like ages. "Ready?" He licked his lips an left them shiny with spit. 

"Yes," i hissed out again. For only having three words in my vocabulary we seemed to be getting on alright.

I was expecting his hand to wrap around me and tug, what I got was wet lips tight around my shaft, sucking the head deeper into warmth. Unable to stop, I thrust up into Geddy's mouth causing him to choke and pull away. 

He coughed as he sat back on his heels. "Christ, Neil."

"God, I'm sorry." The only thing I could reach was the top of his head. I stroked his hair and hoped I hadn't scared him off.

"Haven't done this in years, go easy on me." Geddy stopped sputtering and was visibly calming himself down.

"I'm so sorry, you just felt so good."

It put a little smile back on his face. He took a deep breath. "Try again?"

Who was I to tell him no? I leaned back in invitation and Geddy crawled between my spread knees. One hand went around the base of my cock, the other rested on my upper inner thigh. He leaned over me and again sucked me into his mouth.

He must have a good memory because it didn't feel like Geddy had missed any time. He was talented with his hands coordinating where to rub and where to grip and using his tongue in quick swipes. 

Too quickly he was done and pulling away. The greedy part of me wanted to keep going like that until I came, but it was not polite and not the end of the story.

"Well," Geddy was leaning back on his ankles again, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "You can figure out handjobs, and seemed to be alright with blowjobs."

We stared at each other, no one wanting to say the obvious. 

"So that leaves..." Geddy trailed off. "If you want to."

I nodded. "As you said, have to find out some time."

"Right." He nodded as well. "I have some... things we'll need." Geddy shuffled off and reached under a wingchair, bring back a towel, a small tube, and strangely enough his wallet. He set everything down on the floor and reached out to help me get up from the couch. "Can you get a large glass of water while I get ready?"

When I got back from the kitchen, the towel was laid across the couch cushions and Geddy was sitting on it, stroking himself. His pants were gone, but his shirt and socks were still on. It was a bit chilly in here. I handed him the glass, which he placed out of the way on the coffee table after he got up. 

"Pants have to come off again. All the way this time." He got up while I was fumbling and hopping on one foot with my underwear caught on my ankle. "How on earth do you drum without falling over?"

"Lorne sends out the robot every night while I'm in the jacuzzi. Thought you guys knew that?"

Geddy just shook his head at the old joke. "Get on the couch, on your knees looking out the window."

I did as he said, watching the rain again and feeling rather exposed with my shirt not quite covering my rear end. "Is this going to hurt?"

The deafening silence was not helping my apprehension. Geddy was still shuffling around, I could see him in the reflection of the window. At least he hadn't left or pulled out a camera. Ha, Alex would have a lot of fun with that photo. I'd just know he'd find a way to 'accidentally' post it to the internet or have it projected during a show.

"You'll have to relax even though it will feel... Odd? Might hurt, yes. Have you ever..."

Thinking about it, it was humourous that Geddy would be so shy while standing there looking at my ass and rolling a condom onto himself. "Ummm, no. Previously exit only, remember?"

"Not even a finger? Nothing kinky with a drumstick? Ever?" Geddy tapped me on the rear. "Put out your hand." He squirted some lube into my hand. ""It'll help if you jerk off."

The mind boggled. Drumsticks up there? "No. I fear I might have left all the excitement to you two guitarists." I remembered how when I was about twenty five and all my drumsticks would mysteriously disappear while we were traveling. Cost me a bloody fortune to keep replacing them every week. They didn't make hand sanitizer back then either.

I shivered a bit as I spread the cold lube over myself. It covered up the shiver over what they might have done with my sticks. I could see young Geddy leaning over Alex, drumstick dipping in and out as Alex writhed. Kinky indeed.

Hands were back on my butt again, fingers smoothing over the skin and stroking clinically. Far too robotic for my tastes. It was obvious that if I was going to like this I would have to find someone with more sexual chemistry than Geddy. Not that it felt bad, there just was no [i]spark[/i] to it, no rush to get to it.

His finger swiped down my crack, finger catching on the hole and pausing. It came back with more lube and swirled around, prodding in gentle touches. "Still ok?" he asked.

"Yeah, feels alright." 

"Keep stroking your dick, and hold on to the couch." Geddy nudged my thighs further apart and stood behind me. When something bumped against me I tensed and had to fight to relax, not sure I was relaxed enough. I couldn't force myself to relax any further.

He pressed harder, leaning against me and I could feel his cock against my ass, covered in lube and pushing, slowly forcing me apart. I had to let go of my cock to keep from falling over, both arms holding me up. "Breathe, Neil. Deep breaths." It burned and felt incredibly huge, even though from the few peeks I'd seen it was nothing of porn star legend. It wasn't going to fit; I was fighting the clamping reaction and losing, forgetting to inhale and clenching my teeth.

"Breathe. C'mon, Neil, breathe. In." My forehead landed on the back of the couch. One of Geddy's hands rested on the small of my back and started massaging, trying to get me to relax. The pushing had stopped, leaving a stretched and uncomfortable feeling of being half impaled. I could hear the strain in his voice and feel the tremble in his hand.

He pulled back a bit and some of the worst of it eased off. "I have to go just a little further next time." I didn't think he could go any farther, but I was already committed and everything I'd read said it got better later on. They didn't quite grasp the clumsy and unusual feeling of having something shoved up your ass. Wasn't it supposed to be erotic? I lifted my head from the sofa and looked over my shoulder, nodding.

"You ok?" I asked. Geddy seemed to be troubled as I was, deep creases in his face and a dark shadow marring his features. He only nodded and pursed his lips. "Try again?"

I could hear him add some more lube and slick himself up. He lined up behind me and pushed in again, going a bit faster and farther this time. Again I clenched around him out of discomfort and surprise. "Stop!"

He groaned and stopped, buried inside me. "Okay?" His voice had dropped and gone husky, no doubt a bad time to tell him to stop.

My breaths were coming in pants and I was still struggling to relax. "Yeah," I huffed out. "Just wait."

I could hear his teeth grinding as he tried to hold still. Every intake of breath he slipped a little further in, making little throaty noises as I moved around him. Lifting up on my arms as I started feeling less pained, he swore and grabbed my hips, holding me still.

"Fuck, just a little more, please." It wasn't so bad and I tried rocking back into him, just a little shift of my hips. The pain flared again as Geddy went impossibly deeper, but the groan from his mouth was worth it. Breathy, hedonistic, primal; if we could get that on hard drive it would sell a million copies. "Oh God..."

Some more jerky thrusts and his hips were resting against my backside. "How you doing?" he asked with a tight voice.

"'m fine. Full, doesn't hurt." I sounded sluggish to my own ears but the brain seemed to have fallen back into place. "You?"

"Good." We stayed like that for a while, probably only a few seconds in reality, but it was enough to get more relaxed with each other. "Ready?"

"Yeah," I said, putting my head back on the end of the couch and holding on, not caring about the growing slick spot from my lubed up hand. "Fuck me."

He wasted no time when ordered, pulling back and pushing in before I was ready. It hurt, rubbing raw places I didn't know could hurt, even after years of bicycles and motorcycles. Geddy was already thrusting again, still trying to find something that would work for both of us.

His strokes were steady, nothing inspirational or particularly creative. I twisted my hips after I got more accustomed to the sensations, rearing back to meet him. It felt good, he was hitting some very nice nerves and I was enjoying it but still felt no connection. Nothing like I felt with half a dozen other people I'd slept with in my lifetime. 

It felt even better when he reached under and stroked my balls. Every slap of his hips added more friction and sensation to the growing knot. I reached down between my legs for some extra stimulation, surprised to find that I was totally limp. Geddy slowed down, apparently I had tensed up again and not in a good way.

"Okay Neil?"

"Yeah, yeah, I just..." He must have felt my hand moving because he immediately reached around and put his hand on mine.

"That's normal, don't worry about it." _Don't worry about it?!?!?_ I thought. "Just relax."

He started thrusting again, tapping on my elbow whenever he saw my hand try to reach underneath again. "Just fucking... feel..." he got out between thrusts. "You can come..." he paused, "without being hard."

He shifted again, repositioning himself before slamming in. "Not so rough!" It felt too good to admit - I would have to explore that later, but I was pretty sure gentler was better for right now. His nice, even pace earlier had felt so good. "Slower."

He curled his fingers into my hips and fell into the same methodical pace of pushing and pulling, making every thrust deliberate. I could feel the climax building, an odd sensation with nothing touching my limp dick and a cock buried up my ass.

Geddy spanked my ass hard. I clamped down and sucked in a breath. "Stop thinking."

"I just..." He thrust roughly again, a little taste of things he was holding back on.

"Fucking stop or I'm going to fuck your brains out."

He spanked me again, the smack echoing in the room and being chased by my gasp. "Like that?" I swallowed and nodded. That was good. I pushed back into him again. "Don't be greedy." I had earned another spank. My brain had gone, Geddy's mission had been accomplished. "Fuck, someone is going to love you as a sub."

Geddy busied himself with the business of slowly killing me, although he was picking up speed and not being as gentle as he started out. His thrusts were less timed and more random, rutting into me like some hornball teenager. Can't admit I was any better, using the back of the couch as leverage to meet his thrusts. 

The tension built, rapidly cresting as Geddy swore and grunted. "Close. Don't stop." I clenched around him and he wailed, pushing in as far and as suddenly as he could. "Don't!" I pushed back again, grinding into him. "Fuck," he growled.

A few more of his aggressive thrusts had me on edge, I could feel myself starting to fall over. "Shit..." I grabbed white knuckled onto the couch as everything seized in orgasm, the white noise in my brain shutting out Geddy's noises and last few rough thrusts. 

When I could see and hear again Geddy was still locked behind me, catching his breath and slowly starting to back away. Now that I knew what I was missing the empty feeling was horrible. I looked over my shoulder to find him a sweaty mess, hair lank and glasses slipped down his nose. He looked gorgeous. No Michael Fassbender, but glowing in his own way. He wobbled a bit before catching his balance.

"I'll, uhh, be right back." He pulled the condom off and knotted it before heading to the bathroom. 

It was suddenly cool on the couch, and with my stiff joints I slowly straightened myself and sat on the towel, grimacing at the warm puddle of goo under my rear. No one ever wanted the wet spot. I looked down at my dick, thinking it was defective or something but it just looked normal. Maybe a little plumper than flaccid, but not erect or coming down. Stupid thing. Getting old sucked.

A drink would be really good now. My back ached and my thighs burned as I reached down to the bottle of whisky Geddy had given me earlier in the day.

Back before I was gay. Was I gay? Damn brain was back with it's stupid questions. Time to kill it with some alcohol.

I need to find a blanket or something if I was going to sit here much longer.

Geddy wandered back in dressed appropriately in Carrie's bathrobe with mine waddled in his arm. "Got you a flannel." He wiped me down, only missing a few sticky spots but I wasn't going to correct him. I stood up long enough to slip into my bathrobe and pull the towel off the couch. I'd have to sit a few minutes before my own knees would work. 

"Hot bath tonight with some epson salts, make sure you soak a while." Geddy reached for the bottle and drank straight from it. "If you see any blood or start a fever, let me know immediately."

"Yes Nurse Dirk." He handed the bottle back to me and I took a long sip. We went back to watching the dark rain and listening to the quiet patter on the roof.

"Did you figure anything out?"

I had to think for a second. I hadn't had any epiphanies or strong negative reactions and felt just as uncertain as ever. "No," I had to answer honestly. "I don't think I'll ever get a complete answer."

He smiled warmly. "It happens that way," he answered mysteriously. A small glint reflected off of a necklace I'd not seen him wearing before. Geddy was never one fond of jewelry and any piece always had significant meaning.

I pulled at the thin gold chain, the pendant at the end rising from his shirt and resting in the palm of my hand. It was hard to see without glasses, but when I backed away I could make out that it was a small gold guitar, a Les Paul.

He couldn't have worn anything more obvious to me even if he had it tattooed into his skin. My eyebrows shot up across my forehead. When I looked away from his necklace he had the most demure but proud smile I think I had ever seen. "You...?"

He nodded and took the pendant back, tucking it back into his shirt. His eyes told how happy he was, some of Alex's excitement and mischievousness having spilled over.

"I hope to be as happy as you are one day."

"You will be," he said with the same foreknowledge that Alex had always possessed. "You will be."


End file.
